Friday, May 9, 2014

Interview with the roomies

I conducted an interview* with my roommates, asking them questions about various subjects ranging from practical matters to world dilemmas. I've recorded their answers in order to educate the world about these important topics.

"What's for dinner?"

Megan: Vegetarian chicken nuggets.
Alyssa: Tortillas for the seventh night in a row. I'm so happy I know how to cook now!
Abbie: Why, are you hungry? Here, have a muffin.

"I'm sick - what should I do?"

Megan: Can I make you some tea? Can I poison you with Marmite?
Alyssa (with Empathetic Face): I'm sorry!
Abbie: Take this nasty medicine. Yes, drink it all. Here, have a muffin to wash the taste out of your mouth. See, you feel better already.

"There's an intruder in the house! What should I do?"

Megan: WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!!
Alyssa: Get the taser. How would I escape this building? Let's think through the logistics of this.
Abbie: Do you think he wants a muffin? Maybe we could use them as missiles.

"What's the key to world peace?"

Megan: Stop shooting people.
Alyssa: I'm a Libertarian. World peace? Does it happen outside of my home state? Do we really have to get involved?
Abbie: More muffins.

"What's the best way to get a baby to sleep?"

Megan: If it's my darling daughter, she doesn't have to sleep if she doesn't want to sleep.
Abbie: Strap them in the carrier and walk around all night while eating muffins to keep your spirits up.

"How often should you clean your room?"

Alyssa: Once a year if you feel like it.
Megan: Once every few months but only when Alyssa doesn't want to.
Abbie: Anytime you're not busy making muffins.

"What should I do to survive an EMP?"

Megan: Find some way to get internet.
Alyssa: Bury an infinite supply of water bottles in your backyard and buy Coke in bulk. Google how to use crayons as candles. Watch Youtube videos on suture skills.
Abbie: Stock up on muffin making supplies.

"What should I do when I feel emotional?"

Megan: Walk around moaning loudly about how you have "the feels" until someone forces you to take iron pills and you realize you're just mineral deficient. Repeat.
Alyssa: Huh?
Abbie: Here, have a muffin.

*this interview is entirely fake and I made it all up. Any resemblance to any persons living or dead is completely intentional.

Love you girls!

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