Lockdown Files - Week 3

Day 15: Nothing unusual to report today. I cleaned the house and polished the floor until it squeaked, and did some reading. We ended the day with a cozy fire and a braai...something to look forward to when the days all start to run together.

Thankful that even in the valley, God is with us.

Day 16: Today we did some baking. It was Little T's night to help and I think she enjoyed it (especially the tasting part...). Cinnamon rolls, hot cross buns (first time with those - used leftover donut filling for the crosses - will see how they taste tomorrow) and the lightest, fluffiest melt-in-your-mouth dinner roll recipe ever. (Link: https://youtu.be/5Ce2IJgxW2E - yes, video recipes are not my favorite but this one is worth it.)

This last picture is a tiny bit of what I have been doing for Bible study/meditation for the last few months. It looks like a mess but it describes my mental process very well.  I told someone the other day, “I’m sorry it takes so long for me to explain how I get from point A to point B. It doesn’t take me that long in my head...it’s like I have ZIP files in there or something!”

Day 17: Happy Easter! So glad that even though we might be physically restricted, nothing can take away our freedom and joy in Christ.

This morning I did Sunday school with the kids and we told the Easter story using the Resurrection Eggs...same set we had when I was a kid, apparently they have a less 90’s looking set now but I’m so glad the story is still timeless. They really enjoyed it. And listening to them pray is very sweet and funny. Big T told God all about how he wasn’t supposed to play with electrical appliances and Little T always prays for me to have a new heart and KK just mumbles and mumbles until I finally say “amen!” 

We colored some eggs as well. I showed them how to write on them with a light colored crayon first. I was hoping to find white eggs this year - I saw them a few months ago - but with the situation at hand we just had to make do with the normal ones. 

We enjoyed lunch outside and after we put the kids to bed, we were able to sing and listen to the sermon together.

When they all woke up we arranged a little Easter egg hunt for them. This is more fun if you as an adult don’t forget where you hide some of the eggs.

Afterwards we watched a movie and I did KK’s hair. M and I had leftover soup and more fresh bread for dinner. All in all it was a lovely day. So thankful that I have everything good I could ever need or want in Christ, but also that God is good in so many smaller things as well.

Day 18: Nothing too exciting going on over here today, except that I matched what must have been at least 50 pairs of socks while listening to the kids play in the bath. Also, Lockie has been awake and fussy for an unnaturally long time. 

Day 19: Everything is starting to blur together, but apparently it’s really getting bad with Big T.

T: Can we do class today?

Me: It’s not Sunday.

T: Then which summer is it?K: Let it GO, let it GO...There is no escape from Frozen...

Today was our house dad’s birthday, so we baked a cake. It tasted kind of funny at first but it improved with time and icing. There was a slight cave-in on one side, but we won’t talk about that. 

They all like to lick the beaters and the bowl, but as you can see, Big T is the most committed...

I’ve been practicing my violin most days now, and today Babybear and KK came over when they saw me get it out.

B: Blablabla let it go!

Tonight was my first SMTI class on Zoom. Although I’m eagerly anticipating the return of WiFi, the connection wasn’t TOO bad and I actually managed to hear most of it. As you can see, Lockie is also studying as well.

Day 20: “We are playing violin like auntie Abbie!” May I note, they also probably sound better than I did when I started... 

So thankful that Morongwa is here helping, I’m already going kind of crazy but if I was staying downstairs alone it’d be MUCH worse. Lockie is not really the most chill and sleepy baby...

I got out my nice dishes for breakfast this morning. It’s interesting how something small like dishes can trigger anxiety or feed into what is already there.

I have a whole set of these back in the US, and I miss them (never mind that I don’t actually have room for them here and would probably end up using my normal ones most of the time anyway). My grandma had this pattern and although most of hers were broken eventually, I received the few pieces that were left and added to them with garage sale and thrift store finds, gifts from friends, etc. They always meant a lot to me and I hoped that someday I would be able to use them in my own home.

Fast forward to now. I finally have my own house, something I eagerly (and often with a bad attitude) wanted for years and God graciously decided to give me in His own good time. Only, bringing extra suitcases full of dishes is not free and requires some level of commitment to staying where you are staying. And as for me, well, right now my mindset is that I’d like to stay here till I die (and I’d like that to be quite a long time from now...).

Yet, my visa has to be renewed every three years and it’s not guaranteed that it will go through. This is normally something that eats me alive with worry if I’m not 24/7 choosing to trust God with it - which is not easy and I don’t always do. And it hasn’t been easy lately - I can’t even leave the house, let alone travel internationally, and although I have about 15 months left on my visa, it’s still scary.

So please keep praying for me. I naturally want to ask that you pray that I can stay here (I always want to add “forever” but that always reminds me that Heaven is a WAY better place for that word) - and please do.

But please, pray that I can trust God with today and with all the tomorrows and that I want him more than security and more than service and more even than all of the people that I love SO much. Pray that I can see this as something more wonderful and not some kind of miserable duty (see the blog post I shared the other day about whether surrender should be dreaded or not...). Pray that I can have the right attitude toward my family in Christ here and not depend on them for the security and stability only God should give me and that I can love them in the right way. Please pray for endurance as this isn’t something that is easily or quickly resolved.

Also, please keep praying for patience. They say that’s dangerous but I’ve already got all the situations where I need to practice it. I’m just lacking the actual patience itself...and if you want to tell me all about how Emmett the Lego can fly - WHILE I AM USING THE BATHROOM - or some other such nonsense, you will probably see that for yourself. 

Day 21: Today we started a craft I found on FB, only to realize that tempera paint does not at all stick to foam trays. Guess we will be trying it again with cardboard. I’m sure the kids won’t mind; they LOOOOVE painting. My enthusiasm for them painting is just a tiny bit less, because cleanup...but it does keep them busy and entertained!

Lockie is growing! He does love his milk.

Lockdown Files - Week 2

Day 8: We were supposed to have a fire tonight, but it's raining. (We did get some outside time earlier.) This means all the kids have been stuck inside in my small and not-overly-childproofed house, but we are attempting to make the best of it with Lincoln logs (the ones I played with as a kid), cars, and books. I decided I am going to pick one (1) child as my dinner helper every day, and today it was Big T who was the sous-chef. He helped me make veggie soup and cornbread. The vibe is a bit "look at how important I am cooking while you guys play" but nonetheless, it seems to be a good chance to give them some individual attention and to be honest...I spend as much time breaking up fights when they are playing as I do letting them "help" cook!

We almost became #partyof12 as we got called for two new babies (and were going to get someone to come help) but apparently we aren't able to get them during lockdown.

Day 9: Today it rained all day long. Everything is sopping wet, including several children's socks because KK thought "go upstairs" meant "don't put on your boots first." My house hasn't gotten any larger since yesterday, but somehow we survived, although Auntie Abbie is tired and glad this rain + 5 children thing isn't a permanent arrangement.

Tonight when I asked Big T to help me with dinner, he told me "I'm not a cooker or a baker. I'm only a singer." I think the movie was more interesting...

Day 10: Palm Sunday - Sunday school, fire (chicken and rather burnt stick bread and corn), and a happy Special K enjoying her s'more. I gave her what I think was her first drumstick, and she cleaned that thing down to the bone. I had no idea she liked real meat (and could actually chew it). Babybear just looked at his and went back to his bread.

Day 11: Today we took some important phone calls (since we are working from home), made caterpillars, and Little T learned how to use the spiralizer to make zucchini chips, and helped me make lasagna.

Lest any of you think these posts indicate any level of keeping-it-together, please know that I'm just trying to be proactive in doing stuff with the kids in order to maintain my own sanity and focus on something positive - not because I thought it would be fun to be quarantined with five children under the age of five or because I'm naturally on top of things or something. (Those of you who are closest to me know that that is NOT AT ALL THE CASE.) Missions life is just normal life lived by a normal human being, except it does seem that it more often involves lapses in electricity, hot water, working toilets/drains, functional transport, WiFi, etc...(All issues over the last few months - thankfully it's just WiFi now and not the toilet or something.)

It is all very overwhelming. It's a daily battle to trust God. I miss having a day off and I miss occasionally having the delusion that I'm a patient person. (Spoiler: I'm not.) Certain children have begun narrating their life in song and speaking a made-up language they claim is Sepedi (it's not). Bad attitudes are common (sometimes, the kids have them too...) We can't figure out what the newborn wants half the time, and he's pretty cranky. Please keep us in your prayers. Please pray that I can trust God with each day, find satisfaction in Him, and that I can be patient with and love these kids.

Day 12: It was a better day today than yesterday. Lockie decided to sleep and chill for most of the day, and the rest of the kids, although never chill, weren't as taxing. (Thank you to everyone who is praying for us!)

Big T was my dinner helper tonight. He told me very seriously, "My legs are tired. They say they want to watch a show." I put him on the counter and he said "Now they are definitely not tired."

Me: KK, go read. Auntie Abbie is...
Big T: ...tired.

Not entirely inaccurate...

So have you heard the joke that goes "Pete and Repeat were in a boat. Pete fell out. Who was left?"
The other person is supposed to say "Repeat" and then you repeat the joke over again...and again...etc. Well, the kids don't QUITE get the concept.

Big T: Little T, Pete and Repeat were in a boat. Who fell out?
Little T: Repeat.
Big T: No, I mean who got back in the boat?
Little T: Pete.
Big T: Yeah.

Obviously we have a way to go on the concept of punchlines...but I think they are pretty hilarious.

Day 13: Today we did a science experiment with baking soda and vinegar, and added food coloring and glitter for a bit of extra pizzazz.
I've unearthed my violin and have been practicing after years of inactivity. I also dug out some of my beginner books and am reviewing old stuff. I can't believe the Laoureux made it to South Africa. That thing was my mortal enemy when I took lessons. I think I finally appreciate it! Those boring scales and exercises are more fun with two little cheerleaders/dancers. Play a boring technical exercise badly? "Yayyyy, Abbieeeee!!!"

Day 14: Today's excitement came to us courtesy of Babybear, who tripped over a Lego or something, whacked his head on the concrete, couldn't walk straight, and passed out for a few seconds while I scooped him up and ran with him upstairs. We monitored him for signs of a concussion and are glad to say that he was back to normal very soon (taking off his socks and eating three helpings of dinner), so thankfully it wasn't serious.

In better news, the WiFi tech came today to give us a quote, so there is hope for that...

We got word tonight that the lockdown is extended for another two weeks, so please pray for us. Life hasn't slowed down for us, it's kind of sped up into some weird merry-go-round dream I keep thinking I'm going to wake up from.

In reality though, we don't have it so hard - there are many people in our church and country struggling with a reduced or eliminated income (and their need for housing and food hasn't reduced!), as well as people who are staying alone, staying in much worse conditions, etc. Pray that the church will be able to address these needs even though physically our hands are tied in a lot of ways.

Lockdown Files - Week 1

Hey everyone!

We are currently under a lockdown in South Africa due to the coronavirus, and we have been for four and a half weeks. I've been posting daily on my Facebook page, but I decided to compile the posts on here so that I could more easily access my "journal" of this time in the future.

Day 1 of ?? - complete. It's a different vibe for sure. I struggle with the uncertainty but am enjoying the peaceful vibe a little. We had a cookout. SpecialK and Babybear are very obviously living their best lives now. They had their first s'mores. The new baby slept a lot (although apparently nights are a different story).

So thankful for Morongwa coming to stay with me for the duration, keep me company, and keep toddlers from plunging headfirst into the fire pit while I prepare dinner.

Day 2: Apparently, to make themselves feel better about staying at home, people in our neighborhood have decided to drag out the speakers and party. Although I truly can get on board with making the best of the situation and enjoying what you can...it's 22:30 and I really would love to sleep soon.

Day 3: Reading books, Sunday school, prayer time, after-church tea, and baking banana bread.

Things I never anticipated saying: "You're both allowed to slap my car - stop fighting over it!"

Day 4: "Take work home" they said. Meet "Work." Our surprise newborn. He did need a better code name...I ended up calling him Lockie. I have to confess I was hoping for a girl so that I could call her Tina...short for Quarantine.

Day 5: I mixed up paint for the kids (cornstarch, water, and food coloring...doesn't everyone have a spare 5kg bag of cornstarch lying around?) and let them paint my porch. They had a blast.

To be honest, I didn't feel like doing anything that involved this much effort...not with everything going on and how hectic it's been...but I was glad I did. It helps me cope better with the lockdown to do some "normal" activities and to accomplish things. And the kids barely fought for like, a whole hour...

Day 6: We baked Mrs. Peters's birthday cake (from the picture book The Seven Silly Eaters). Big T declared this morning that "today is FUN DAY!!! which is probably more positivity than any of the rest of us feel about the current state of affairs...although his day didn't end up so great in the end, so I guess we're not seeing a career as a prophet in his future. We did enjoy baking, though.

Day 7: Today we video chatted with Auntie Sarah (which included a truly off-key rendition of "Into the Unknown" courtesy of Big T.
Also, KK learned to ride a scooter and we were all so proud of her determined little self. I didn't even know a barely-2-year-old could balance on a two-wheeled scooter. It was really precious - the 2Ts have this little song/cheer they sing for her when she does something they are proud of. "Well done, well done, our clever girl. Shine, shine, our clever girl!"

A Battle With Loneliness - Guest Post

Hey everyone! I'll catch you all up soon on what's happening here with the lockdown, etc., but in the meantime I thought you would enjoy reading this guest post by my friend, Claire. We spend a lot of time talking and reading books together, and we both enjoyed this one that she talks about here. I asked her if she would write something for my blog, and she decided to write on the topic of loneliness. I imagine this is timely for many people as so many are stuck at home right now.

**************************************************************

Everyone feels lonely sometime in their life. Some do more than others, but I don’t think any of us are exempt from the feeling.

I have struggled with great loneliness.

At the early age of eleven, I started boarding school and for the first time I can remember, I was struck by an intense feeling of loneliness. Not knowing a single person at the school, I felt terribly alone. Being bullied for a lot of my school life, I kept trying to fill my loneliness with friends, but each time I felt let down. 

Later I started to believe that the reason for my loneliness was rooted in my singleness. I thought that my loneliness would be solved by having a boyfriend or by being married. I came to realize that this was, in fact, a lie - that even when I was in a relationship, I still felt incredibly lonely. That relationship was sinfully motivated and as a result of the relationship, I pushed all of the people I called friends away. 

Once that relationship had ended, and through the help of biblical counselling, I realized that I didn’t have any real friends.  I then thought that it was because of the stunning lack of real friends in my life, that I was so lonely. But again even when I did start to make real friendships, even biblical ones, I still could feel lonely. And being apart from friends for long periods because of school holidays created times of intense loneliness again.

After speaking to a friend about my struggles, she recommended Lydia Brownback’s book, Finding God in Your Loneliness. Each chapter was about a different possible reason for being lonely. As I read it seemed like Lydia had been able to watch my whole life unfold and somehow gained access to my brain, because it seemed that each chapter described every way that I had ever felt lonely, some that I had never even realized. It was painful to read, but also comforting in a way - I was not the only one who struggled with loneliness. From this book, I learned that I will never stop feeling lonely all together for the rest of my life, but that the trick was a change of perspective.

The book spoke about how Jesus was lonely for most of His life too. He was apart from the Father for His whole life on Earth - yes, He did have times where He communed with the Holy Spirit -  but He was never with God the Father and the Holy Spirit like He was before he came to Earth. Jesus was sinless in a sinful world surrounded by sinful people. He would have had a difficult time making friends with others who could see how vastly different they were from Him (and probably hated Him for it). "He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief" (Isaiah 53:3). How alone He must have felt not having a single person who could ever understand His pain or the pain that He knew He would have to bear on the Cross! And think of the Cross, how alone He must have felt! He even felt forsaken by the Father (Matthew 27:46). Jesus could be considered the loneliest person to ever live. So we can take comfort that Jesus knows what it's like to feel lonely and that we have a High Priest that can sympathize with us (Hebrews 4:15). And we can go to Him for comfort that He provides abundantly so that we can also comfort others because we have been comforted by the Father (2 Corinthians 1:4-8).

Brownback also describes how because of Jesus’s sacrifice, we are now called citizens of Heaven (Ephesians 2:19). Just as Jesus experienced loneliness because of being apart from His true home, we also will feel lonely here on Earth as Christians, because this is not our real home. We will never fully be in the Lord’s presence here on Earth, but praise God that He has promised that one day we will be. 

I am learning that I cannot try to fully satisfy my loneliness in any kind of relationship with people  because God has created me so that He fulfills that desire in me.

.

I am also learning that in times when I can feel the loneliness creeping into my mind, I can remind myself that Jesus understands this feeling and was still without sin because He kept his mind on the Father and on what was to come. I can shift my thoughts from myself and my loneliness to Christ’s sacrifice and to what God is still going to do in the future when we are fully with Him and we will be fully known (1 Corinthians 13:12).

A point to remember, however: Brownback points out that while we are here still God has graciously given the Church to fill that need, to a degree. It is not to replace Him, but there is definitely a comfort through fellowship with biblical friends. Even though we are still sinners and we hurt and sin against each other, we can still be lonely less often by building friendships with other people in the Church, pointing one another to Christ and reminding each other of truth  - of where our true home is.