Summer 2021 Update

 Dear friends and family,

I hope you all are doing well! It might be a warm summer where you are in the States, but it has been a very chilly winter here. I’ve been enjoying sitting under the blankets next to my gas heater, with my cat in my lap, up until the last week or so, when it has finally started to warm up. 

Trying to make the same face as him...

I do think this has been one of the coldest winters we have had in the last few years! For reference, “cold” is around 45 degrees Fahrenheit, but that feels a lot colder when you live in a cement block house with no central heating and a lot of drafts! Of course, everything that makes our house cold in the winter also helps with the hot summers, so I really don’t mind too much, especially with my blankets, heater, soup, and warm, purring cat! It’s especially enjoyable if I can have a friend over to sit next to me while we drink tea, and lockdown has, off and on, allowed for that.

It’s been a busy few months here at baby home, as always. Currently we have four babies/children officially in our care at MBH. Babybear is almost 3.5 and is a bundle of energy. He has so much to say that I can’t keep up with him, and is immensely interested in dinosaurs, bones, volcanos, painting, riding his bike, robots, and Paw Patrol. 

Here he is, picking out books at the library. Unfortunately the current lockdown regulations mean that the library hasn't been open for kids since June, but thankfully we have a lot of books at home.

We potty trained him within the last month or two, which felt really late, but I think I’m now much more in the “train them later, it’s so much faster!” camp! He learned so quickly, especially when there were gummies involved! 

Daisy is 14 months and a firecracker. She bounces from one forbidden thing to another – toys don’t hold her attention for long! She’s also in possession of a large amount of sass – one of her first words was “no!” (perhaps because she hears it so much!) 

She is full of it! 

Mahlo is 9 months old now and so excited to see his favorite people when they walk into the room – he’s all smiles and giggles (unless it’s time for his bottle)! 

Handsome is 3 months old and has finally, finally stopped crying every waking moment and is starting to smile and even tries to laugh – although even his laughing sounds kind of like crying. He has the fullest head of hair I’ve ever seen on a newborn!

I have been continuing to help homeschool the kids, and I’m still really enjoying it. We finished up our unit on the earth after several months of studying things like fossils, landforms and natural disasters (the kids LOVE volcanoes!) As a conclusion to our study, we went on a trip to the natural history museum here in Pretoria.

It was really awesome and the highlight for Babybear was definitely the replicas of dinosaur bones outside the museum! We also enjoyed learning some about creation science, to offset our museum trip. I have a really cool book I picked up at the thrift shop, and I was concerned a lot of it would be over the kids’ heads, but they enjoyed it a lot and learned more than I thought they would! Talent (5) would come rushing excitedly down to my house to tell me, “Auntie Abbie! Tadi and I found a SNAIL and we’re going to wait for it to be a fossil! We buried it in the mud!” So, we had to have a lot of conversations about how fossils are actually made…but it is so fun to see their minds active and engaged with what we are learning.

Now that we have finished that topic of study, we’ve moved on to the human body!

Babybear's first self portrait

It’s been such a cool topic to study and even B loves to talk about “bones!” and “my body!” 

We traced and cut out life sized kids out of cardboard and are slowly gluing the parts of the body onto them.

We also made spinal cords out of egg cartons, wire, and felt.

And we're learning how to use the microscope! We tried to look at cheek cells but couldn't quite figure it out, so we ended up looking at a hair and some mold.

I also still have been spending a lot of time with them every morning, working on memorization, reading the Bible and other good books, and praying. We have been enjoying various allegories, including The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. I have loved seeing how they grow in their ability to follow the storyline and ask interesting questions, and my goal is that they learn to love stories and to love the greatest story of all. We are having some really great discussions… “But why would Aslan WANT to take Edmund’s punishment?” “How do you know that you have a new heart?” “Auntie Abbie, if it’s true that God is going to destroy the earth someday, then we need to build a rocket ship and get off this planet!” “Are aliens real?” (Honestly, I have no idea where that last one came from…but I just roll with it…) Some days it feels monotonous, building and teaching little by little, but I want to be faithful and I pray that over time God will use these small efforts for something big.

I myself am often encouraged by what we are reading – these stories mean so much more now that I understand the spiritual truths behind them. We are reading one right now – Tales of the Kingdom by David and Karen Mains, which is really a little-known gem that is absolutely packed with beauty. There is a watch-cry that the rangers in the story shout through the forest –

“How goes the world?” “The world goes not well!” “But the Kingdom comes!”

This is a line I have heard since childhood (these really were my favorite books as a kid), but after a hard week, month, year…it means so much more to me than it ever did before. Things are not easy. Sickness and lockdown has hit South Africa hard. There has been significant political unrest over the winter. Our church has suffered difficult trials in the last few years. My personal life is not exempt from day to day suffering and struggles – loneliness, my own sin, anxiety, conflict, waiting, longing. Heaven looks more and more beautiful with every day that passes, even as I continue right now in the tasks that God has for me here. South Africa feels more like home than the US, but really, I’m not at home here either. I “desire a better country” (Heb. 11:16). It is a rather uncomfortable waiting period, this life, but I look forward with a lot of hope, and “hope does not disappoint” (Rom. 5:5).

Other updates: Covid is still alive and active here, although we are hoping with the advent of warmer weather and the increase in vaccinations, that it will start to get better. It has really hit South Africa hard - at one point all the ICU beds were full and one of our friends had to be flown to Kenya in order to be able to access medical care. I was finally able to receive my first vaccine this week (the rollout has been very slow) and aside from a sore arm, I am doing well and haven't had any unpleasant side effects. Regarding my visa, I have heard nothing yet, and I think I'm in for a long wait, so I really have no news on when I will be able to come back to the US to visit. I do really miss everyone and look forward to seeing you, but I am also pretty busy here with school (both mine and the kids') so I have something to keep me busy!

I hope everyone is doing well! It's hard to keep in touch with people all over the globe, but I love hearing from you and will do my best to reply if you contact me!

I am the poison

It's so hard for me

to see myself

truly

as I really am. 

(Especially when I don't want to look...)

Sinful,

corrupt from conception - 

is it really a surprise

that everything

that feels right

and normal

and natural

is, 

for the most part,

a lie? 

That any residual truth

has been twisted

beyond recognition?

Am I really that bad?

My heart

("Follow your heart!")

My motives

("I meant well...")

My desires

("I just want...")

My...sin?

Well, that's what Eve thought, too - 

And you can see where that led.

The entire human race

cursed

fallen

without hope

without God.

I know for certain

I would have eaten that fruit.

How long did she last, anyway?

How long did she hold out

before the fruit's allure drew her closer

before doubt crept in?

Is God truly good?

Maybe...

I just need to make sure.

I don't know how long it was -

a week

a month

a year

but what I do know

is that I wouldn't have lasted as long.

I am Eve's daughter

Adam's seed

and their sickness courses through my veins

even as Christ makes me new.

(Oh, and He does. 

Let's not forget that - 

HE COMES TO MAKE HIS BLESSINGS KNOWN

FAR AS THE CURSE IS FOUND.)

But in the meantime 

while we wait

while we groan

for resurrection

the curse is still found.

The world is dark

and my (redeemed) heart

still lists toward that darkness.

Funny how I think

that my sin

is a surface problem.

How I lash out 

at the thought

at the suggestion

at the insinuation

that it might be more -

how I ache to justify myself

how I cringe at humility

how I make sure

everyone knows

that I am RIGHT.

But God

in His infinite mercy

refuses to leave me there.

I sin

again

and again

and again

and in small, lucid glimpses

it begins to overwhelm.

Oh, God

I cannot escape my sin

I cannot even escape 

my love of sin.

But I hate it!

No bandage can fix this sore.

Now shower can cleanse this filth -

the world's oceans would not suffice.

Only blood - 

the blood of the Holy - 

can cure this incurable disease.

How shocking

that it is indeed offered to me!

O God be merciful to me, a sinner...

I am leprous

I am the poison

and tomorrow

I will go back to unreality

the curtain will close

the moment of clarity

will fade.

Oh my God

You, who tore the veil between us

remove the veil from my eyes!

Make me to see my sin

make me cringe

make me weep

and lead me to the Cross - 

Your grace

Your love

Your heart.

May Update

Dear friends and family,

Hope you all are doing well! It’s almost summer in the US, but here, the weather is getting colder – it’s almost time for me to pull out my space heater! The leaves are falling rapidly - the colors are much more muted here than back in Ohio, but they still make that satisfying crunch underfoot. It’s a good thing I enjoy the sound, because I can’t seem to keep my patio clear of them!

We are at full capacity right now at the baby home. Babybear is still here – he celebrated his third birthday this year. 

Sweetpea and Daisy are 11 months old. They are very active and into EVERYTHING, ALL THE TIME. 

Daisy is small, wiry, and basically the Energizer Bunny. 

Sweetpea is so chubby she is actually several kilograms off the weight-for-height chart – thankfully I have a strong back!

She loves her food!

Both girls are just full of giggles and love to play with each other – especially when they are supposed to be napping!

“Mahlo” (Sepedi for “eyes” – he has big ones and likes to look everywhere!) joined us this March, at four months old. He is six months old now and just started baby food, which he absolutely loves. 

We had a newborn baby girl for a few weeks, but she went home and five-day-old “Handsome” took her place just a few days later. As with most newborns, his favorite activities are eating, sleeping, and crying, although not necessarily in that order.

Our homeschooling efforts have expanded, as M (our house mom) has also begun to teach the 9 and 11 year old sons of one of my coworkers, in addition to the children who live on property. Most weekday mornings, I help teach the kids. Babybear, at age 3, wants to do everything the big kids do. He does so well at sitting and listening, as well as participating in the activities. He has memorized most of Psalm 1 along with the rest of us. Most people might not be able to understand what he’s saying, but he definitely knows it and is proud to be able to recite! I am really enjoying doing Bible time with the children. I have a lot of opportunities to share the Gospel with them and the four older ones (11, 9, 5, and 4 year olds) ask so many good questions. “How can someone be born again?” “Is the final battle real?” “We are REALLY going to die?” “God was really a HUMAN?” “When Jesus comes back is God gonna come down out of the clouds and touch the ground and stop being invisible?” They make me think about how to simply and clearly present the truth. Also, they make me laugh when they thank God for things like feet and trash cans and shoelaces and bellies, or in B’s case, pray the alphabet… “Dear Heavenly Father, A for Apple, B for Beads…” Please pray for them that they will truly come to understand the Gospel and that God will save them at a young age. It’s encouraging to see them show interest and I so enjoy our times sitting in a circle in the sunshine, having real, serious, interesting discussions with all ages involved. 

We are doing a lot of fun crafts! Here we are painting with ice for our letter I activity. (The little girl is M's niece, who has moved in along with M's mom and sister.)

Other highlights of the school year have been some fun trips. We went to a children's science museum.

 We have also started going to the library every second week. We enjoy lots of time spent reading aloud!

School is going well – I’ve finally started to get some grades and feedback after several years of work (they were rather behind) and was relieved to find that I am not at all flunking. I’m enjoying it and learning a lot – this semester is about counseling specific issues such as depression, addiction, etc. It’s really interesting and I’m almost done with my projects, then I will enjoy a much-needed break! I don’t know that I will ever go into counseling as a career, but I believe that all Christians should be informally counseling each other on a day-to-day basis, and I hope this course will help prepare me to be a better friend.

Corona update: We are back down to level 1 lockdown (phew!) This allows us to live more of a normal life, albeit while wearing a mask in public. The vaccine rollout is going very slowly, and probably won’t finish until sometime next year, so it may be a very long time before the last restrictions are lifted.

This month, I submitted my application for visa renewal. It has been a very nerve-wracking process, and I appreciate all of your prayers. Now, I just need to hurry up and wait. The official wait time is 8-10 weeks, but I know people who have been waiting for their visas since last year! Please pray that it goes smoothly and quickly, and that I will keep trusting God who rules over the nations, including the Department of Home Affairs in South Africa.

I would like to come back to the States to visit during September/October, but I would rather not do so until I have a valid, current visa in my passport, so unfortunately it might be longer. I love my life here and am not homesick, but I do miss friends and family and haven’t been back stateside in almost three years, so I really hope that I get a chance soon. I would love to come during the fall and see the leaves change – I don’t miss snow at all! Although, coming at Christmas wouldn’t be too bad!

Hope you all are doing well! I love to hear from everyone and appreciate that so many people are still thinking of me and praying for me even though I am so far away.

21 Books for 2021

Hi everyone! A good friend of mine did a "21 Books for 2021" post on Facebook, and I liked the idea so much I decided to do the same, albeit here on my blog.

I don't know about you all, but I spent a lot of time at home last year due to lockdown restrictions! That meant I had a lot of time to READ. I read a LOT of books. I'm not keeping pace as well this year - I rediscovered a TV series I had on DVD and that's cut into my reading time! I need to get back to my books...

I thought I'd share with you some of my favorite books from 2020. I hope you find something you enjoy as much as I did!

Fiction

I do enjoy a good story. Or ten. Staying up until the wee hours of the morning is great...until you have to get up the next day!

Ashtown Burials series by N. D. Wilson - These were a re-read. I will warn you up front - book four was never published due to what I understand was some kind of a publishing snafu. I was vastly disappointed several years ago when I got to the end of book 3 and realized that I couldn't finish the story! But last year the author started releasing the fourth book chapter by chapter, so I decided I needed to reread the first three again. The story follows three orphaned siblings as they go from managing a rundown, unimpressive hotel in the American Midwest to being inducted into a secret society and fighting all sorts of battles. N. D. Wilson is definitely one of my favorite modern-day fantasy/adventure authors.

Outlaws of Time trilogy, also by N. D Wilson - This book involves a lot of time travel, and is VERY trippy, but is super fun. It's really hard to explain due to the constantly shifting plotline (did I mention time travel??) but it chronicles the exploits of Sam Miracle and the Lost Boys as they try to save the world. These are the only books in the list I didn't read in 2020 - well, I read the third one, as I was finally able to borrow it on Kindle from the library after waiting a very long time for them to purchase it.

Howl's Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones - This book is the first in a trilogy. (All three books are set in the same world and the stories are somewhat interlinked, but only marginally.) Sophie and her two sisters work in a hat-making shop, but eventually the business has to close and the three girls are sent off by their mother to make decent lives for themselves. Sophie, however, is turned into an old lady by a grumpy witch who casts a spell on her. She sets off after the mysterious, ominous, moving castle that keeps showing up in different places outside of town - despite the fact that Howl, the owner of the castle, is rumored to eat the hearts of young ladies. (Well, she isn't exactly young anymore, is she?) The writing is engaging and humorous; the plotline is interesting. They made an anime movie from it, and although it doesn't follow the book very well at all, it's still worth watching. But do read the book.

House of Many Ways, also by Diana Wynne Jones - This is the third book in the trilogy. I didn't particularly care for the second, so I'm not featuring it here. This book tells the story of a young girl house-sitting for her wizard uncle while he is away, and solving a mystery along the way. It's also very entertaining.

Non-Fiction

Finding God in My Loneliness by Lydia Brownback - This was the first book I read in 2020, so it's a bit stretching for me to try to remember enough to review it, but I do remember it was very good. At the beginning of the year, I wasn't struggling with loneliness at all, so I was reading the book more on the recommendation of a friend than I was for myself. Then, lockdown hit and with it, tremendous loneliness! (I do think I need to reread this one.) It talks about the different aspects of loneliness, shows that it's not necessarily a bad thing, and explains that loneliness points us to Christ, who ultimately fulfills us.

Future Grace by John Piper - I read this together with a friend. I will warn you, this is a very LONG book, and Piper is not exactly a light read - he does tend to repeat concepts a lot. He looks at at least 30 different facets of the concept of future grace - one chapter for each day of the month. I didn't know there were so many ways to look at one idea. However, the idea he is trying to hammer home is invaluable - we persevere now because of the hope of God giving us grace in the future, ultimately in Heaven. We believe that God WILL be enough and WILL keep His promises.

50 Days of Heaven by Randy Alcorn - I can't say enough good things about this book! Don't let the title throw you - it's not one of those fad books where the author went to heaven for x number of hours and talked to an angel or something. This is the devotional version of his longer book, Heaven, and I loved the short one so much I'm reading the long one now. So often we have a misty, vague idea of what Heaven will be like, and we don't really look forward to it very much. Alcorn explains in detail what the Bible says about Heaven and although we don't know exactly what everything will be like, he gives a lot clearer picture and stirs up my desire for it in a way that really makes me long to be with Christ! 

Safely Home by Randy Alcorn - I guess this should technically be in the fiction category, but it sure has a lot of truth in it! It follows the story of a fictional Christian in China as he is persecuted for his faith throughout his life - but the end is glorious. It really helps encourage us to persevere here on earth. Note: I will say, I can usually tell when a work of fiction is written by a man. This isn't a bad thing, but male authors do tend to have a certain detailed writing style. Not everyone will enjoy the pages and pages on Chinese history/economics/etc., but, the story is wonderful.

Daring to Hope by Katie Davis Majors - Her first book, Kisses from Katie, was what initially sparked my interest in coming to Africa, although I certainly didn't think it would look like it does! It's been a long time since I read it, so I wasn't sure if I would get as much out of the sequel or if it would be kind of "fluffy" - I've changed a lot in my time here. I'm happy to say that the second book was even better than the first. It is definitely NOT fluffy - it's amazing, and it shows how the author has found Christ inexpressibly beautiful in the trials of her everyday life in Uganda.

Friend-ish: Reclaiming Real Friendship in a Culture of Confusion by Kelly Needham - This book needs a warning label, and pretty much everyone I've recommended it to agrees. If you struggle with any friendship issues (and probably, even if you don't think you do), it will cut you to the quick. Sometimes it felt like shards of glass were embedded in the pages. But, it was a healing hurt. It is hard to see your own sin, but it's necessary for change. There is hope - although you don't get to it until around chapter 6, so keep going!

Messy Beautiful Friendship by Christine Hoover - This is also a really good book on friendship and the issues that arise regarding it. It's pretty convicting too! It helps show that what we so often expect from friendship isn't truly biblical - but it does give us hope for strong Christian relationships.

Trusting God by Jerry Bridges - This was a reread. I think it may have been the third time I've reread this book - and it is so worth it. It shows how to trust in God, we need to believe that He is sovereign AND loving AND wise, and it explores the different aspects of trusting Him and all the different situations where He is in control.

Transforming Homosexuality: What the Bible Says about Sexual Orientation and Change by Denny Burk and Heath Lambert - I also read this one close to the beginning of the year, so I don't remember all of it, but I do remember that it was really good and gives a very practical, Biblical, compassionate approach to helping our Christian brothers and sisters who struggle with same-sex attraction.

Gay Girl, Good God by Jackie Hill Perry - This book is the story of one woman's battle with SSA and her journey to faith. The first part is an excellent, gripping, spoken-word autobiography. (Trigger warning - some parts MIGHT be a bit much for some people who struggle with these issues, although it doesn't bother everyone.) The second part is made up of practical, biblical resources. The audiobook edition is wonderful, too, as she is a poet and reads it herself.

Openness Unhindered by Rosaria Butterfield - I read a lot of books on homosexuality this year because I wrote a research paper related to it, but they were all just so good that I wanted to share them with you here. This one deals with the nature of identity and gives a biblical look at it. It is a bit heady/deep, but it's written by a former English professor, so that's to be expected.

Holy Sexuality and the Gospel by Christopher Yuan - This book is also a really good, practical resource to explore the different aspects of biblical relationships and sexuality.

The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy and Kathy Keller - I studied marriage all year in my biblical counseling studies, and this is hands down my favorite book on marriage. I've struggled a lot with having a right view of marriage, because as a growing-older single, it's so often pushed on me with the overwhelming impression that being in a relationship is the ONE way to ULTIMATE happiness. As a single person, I highly recommend this book. It helped me develop a more biblical, balanced perspective of marriage - to appreciate the beauty of God's design without desiring marriage above all else.

Here's to more good reading in 2021! 

January Update

Dear friends and family,

Hello! Hope you are all doing well. I’m sorry it’s been so long since my last newsletter, but I’ll try to catch you all up to date now!

I spent last November working on a research project and finishing up my second year of Biblical Counseling studies – the halfway mark! It is a lot of work (especially when you work full-time, have a social life, and are a chronic procrastinator...) but it has been worth it and I have been learning a lot! The rest of the year end was filled with a lot of activities – Thanksgiving, parties, our 11-year church celebration (we were supposed to have a 10-year celebration last year but things kind of got derailed), cookie-baking with friends, and so on. South Africa has been hit hard by the coronavirus, but we moved to level 1 lockdown last year in September or October and life was the closest to normal it had been for a long time. 

We had a wonderful Christmas with friends, spent some time taking the kids to a game reserve where we could see animals in the wild, and really enjoyed the holiday season.

I was blessed to be able to have a coworker (and friend) live with me for six weeks while she was in between living situations – that was really awesome. Oh – and I got a different kind of housemate, a two-month-old kitten, who has been quite the source of entertainment. I’m really enjoying him. His name is Naartjie, the Afrikaans name for a clementine – he has ginger patches. He’s snoozing next to me as I write this. It’s fun to have a little companion who wants to hang out with me all the time, although I look forward to the day when he can no longer fit under the bathroom door!

Unfortunately, the infection numbers for SA began to rise and several days after Christmas, the president announced a regression to a level 3 lockdown. We are now no longer allowed to have church services or any social events. We are at least allowed to meet in restaurants (they have really pushed to keep the economy open this time). The regulations are confusing and and difficult, but we are trusting that God is still sovereign and praying that we are allowed to get back to normal soon. Meanwhile, it is very hard. I understand the importance of keeping people safe – I have quite a few friends and family members of friends who have been sick – but it’s really very hard to not be able to spend time fellowshipping with others in person.

Life at the baby home has continued more or less normally. I’m thankful that I still get to see my coworkers every day, and I’m enjoying doing a lot of fun things with the kids. We currently only have three babies, although we could get calls for more any day. We have two seven-month-olds (if you remember Sweetpea and Daisy from my last newsletter) and Babybear, who will turn three in a couple of months. In addition, our house parents’ children are 5, 4, and 6 months. Makoena (the house mom) homeschools her 5 and 4 year old, and I am able to help with some of that, including Babybear in it as well. We do Bible time, memorization, science experiments, art projects, alphabet activities, music class, and a lot of reading books together, among other things. 

I’m also working with B on his colors, shapes, counting, etc. He enjoys “doing school” and fun activities like sorting his cars out by color or matching his shape blocks. He’s very smart and is learning a verse for each letter of the alphabet – he can officially say up to F, although he knows a lot more when he’s reciting with the older kids. (I’ll never hear James 1:19 the same way – “slooooooowwwww to speak, slow to ANGER!” as he makes the cutest angry face!) He’s also learning the same catechism as the others, and he knows the answers to at least the first eight questions. I’m sure that he doesn’t understand everything that he’s committed to memory, but I’m thankful for the chance to help him hide these things in his heart while he’s young, and we pray regularly that God will save these kids as they grow older! Please pray with me – it’s such a burden on my heart.

As 2021 has rolled around, the time rapidly approaches for me to renew my 3-year visa. I’ve had to face a lot of decisions regarding this – what kind should I apply for? Should I attempt a work permit? Should I renew here? Should I apply in the States? Should I renew my passport since I only have two years left on it? Visa issues have been an ongoing temptation to anxiety for me, ever since I had some problems the last time I applied. I really struggle with not having an assurance of permanency. Please pray that I can trust God with everything and live the life He has for me now, instead of spending time worrying about the future – that I can put my hope in Him and not in the government or a piece of paper. There have been a lot of chances to grow in this over lockdown, as so much is out of my control. But, it is slow going! Practically, I am thinking that I will probably try to apply for my visa here, then come home later in the year when I have a new visa and I can relax and enjoy my family and friends a bit more, without paperwork stress. Of course, this all depends on what travel restrictions look like. Right now, the US just put a ban on travel from South Africa. US citizens are exempt, but I would need to quarantine, and that would eat up a lot of precious furlough time, so I’d like to wait until that is no longer necessary, if possible. Please pray with me that I can get everything sorted on a practical level.

I hope everyone is doing well. I love to hear from you all – thank you to everyone who replies to my newsletters and blog posts! I will definitely do my best to answer anyone who writes to me.

P.S. My phone was stolen through my bedroom window (while I slept in my bed!) in December, the week before Christmas. Thankfully they didn't access any sensitive data such as bank accounts, etc., but it has proven to be quite the headache trying to get everything sorted - not to mention expensive, as they stole it shortly after I bought a new phone to replace my very old, very junky one! Anyway, I just wrote my quite belated quarterly newsletter, got on my email to send it, and realized that for some bizarre reason (maybe they had no idea how to wipe a phone) the thief had deleted my group of newsletter contacts. I know it was them, because at the time, they also deleted the email in my inbox - although I found them in my trash, since I checked right away. I still have a number of email addresses, but I have NO idea if I have all of them. I'm going to build a new list from scratch, so if you aren't on it and you want to be, or you are on it and you don't want to be, please let me know. 

P.P.S. Thankfully, someone had a list of my contacts from one time when I forgot to send my newsletter BCC, so they have been recovered! But still, if you haven't been on the list and would like to be, let me know! =)