New arrivals!

Check out these cuties that arrived at the baby home today! I have to hurry up and get back, folks! My Baby Snuggle-O-Meter is getting dangerously low, as are my squishiness levels! (There are only two babies - just four photos.) I'm already partial to the one on the left - he looks a bit like my Small when he first arrived.

Hope your day was just made a little bit cuter!

10,000 Reasons...or maybe just a few to start.

Although I don't pretend that I was actually deprived of anything this year (come on, folks, SA has to be the most Westernized country in Africa), I have been enjoying numerous things here in the US, most of which I didn't stop and really appreciate before.

List #1: Insignificant, material items.

I realize in the grand scheme of things, these matter pretty much nothing. People matter more. Having a place to stay and food to eat and clean water to drink matters more. But these little bits of icing on the cake? They just make my heart happy!

Wal-Mart - you can enter one store and buy everything, if you so desire and have an unlimited budget (I do not.)

Ranch dressing! The delicious kind. I have been drowning everything in it. Maybe even things that don't belong with it.

Chocolate chips that don't taste like plastic. I'm sitting here eating these right now.

Salvage stores. Actually, this one makes my head hurt a little bit, just thinking of how I could slash my grocery bill in half (at least) if they existed in Africa. I went so far as to daydream about starting one, just so I could shop at it....

A dryer. As my fellow intern put it, "OHMYGOODNESS I PUT A LOAD IN AND IT WAS DRY IN AN HOUR!" If I want to wash my sheets in the afternoon, I can put them, completely dry, on my bed that night.

Gas prices at $2.51 a gallon - realizing that I'll have to pay at LEAST double that next year. This is another thing, like the salvage stores, that makes my head hurt a little bit.

A car. I LOVE MY CAR! (I've only had to fix it once since I came home. Blech.)

Having all my stuff here. I don't have to think, "Sure, I've got a thingamajig - oh wait, I left that in a completely different hemisphere...."

Glorious, wonderful, craft stores. I may have wept when I walked into JoAnn's. (Well, actually, no, I didn't. But it was still a blissful experience.)

Internet shopping. Guess what? I CAN BUY EXACTLY WHAT I WANT! And have it delivered to my house! In days!

A reliable post office. One that isn't allowed to go on strike. Who thinks that is ok, anyway?

Brand choices. This is actually a little bewildering. Who needs 73 kinds of cookies? Someone headed straight for diabetes?

Clothing choices. I assume full responsibility for my lack of clothing choices in South Africa. Somehow, I thought it was more important to take yarn than to pack more than 15% of my wardrobe. Nonetheless, I open my closet every day and it feels like I'm shopping, and (most of) the clothes fit me straight off the rack.

Central heating. That humming noise the furnace makes? Music to my ears. I CAN WALK INSIDE AND GET WARM! Really warm, and not just "let's wrap ourselves in 50 blankets and call this slight increase in temperature 'warm.' "

Everything "looking like home." This was one of the top insignificant things on my list. I missed farms, and woods. Ok, so I didn't miss the spirit-shattering gray five months that trademark the Ohio winter, but you know what I mean...

Thrift stores. You are a thing of beauty. If I had you in Africa, I'd be broke. "Oh, I need to buy this thingamajig and that doohickey and one or two or twelve whatchamacallits for my house!" Alas, my lifestyle as of late has required me to ask many questions whenever I walk into the heaven that is a thrift store (or a salvage shop):

- "Will it make me money?" (Is it yarn? A pretty plate to load with Christmas cookies and resell? Some random craft supply I've been looking for?)

- "Can I use it up?" (Is it a personal hygiene item? A stack of thank you notes? If in a salvage store, is it a delicious food item?)

- "Would this make a good (cheap) Christmas present?"

- "Can I take it with me? Have I already been looking for it?" (I got a great backpack for the trip back for $5 the other day, and a skirt in the style and color I've been looking for all year - for $1.25.)

- "Is there any valid point to storing it if I can't take it with me?" (99% of the time, the answer to this question is "NO." The other 1% of the time, it's probably something that goes in my hope chest.)

This is rather a freeing perspective with which to walk into a thrift store. Still get to enjoy the shopping, but don't go home with the $15 in random goods that I bought for "someday..." Although I still get desperate urges to buy every other kitchen utensil that I see.

Having a piano. OH MY WORD, I didn't realize how incredible it was to sit down and play! If at all possible, I'm going to get my hands on a smallish keyboard next year.

Running a hat business.

So those are just a few things I'm grateful for since I've been home. Every time I hit a new thing on that list for the first time since I've been home (like the first time going to the salvage stores) I get almost giddy.

List #2 - People Blessings, and Other Things Besides Salad Dressing

Getting to see my grandma again.

Tea with my good friend, Jamie.

All my friends at church.

Singing in the church cantata.

Spending time with family.

Standing next to my mom when she sings alto in church.

Homeschool group friends. (I have yet to see some of you!)

Thanksgiving with family.

Christmas with family.

Christmas in my home state and culture.

Visiting my best friend ever and her husband and little sister.

Having my little sister over for a sleepover and forcing her to help me make 29 dozen cookies.

Visiting my nieces and their family. Watching as they blossom with love.

So, those are the short lists. I started the "One Thousand Gifts" challenge several years ago, where you cultivate a habit of thankfulness, and I think I'm up to #1025. I was inspired to pull out the notebook again this year (at a point where I was confronted on being particularly ungrateful...I can't say it completely changed my attitude, but it helped!) and it's so much fun to capture all those moments. If you haven't tried it, you should. =)

FAQ's - sort of.

So, with the trip to NC, catching up here at home, and my insane amount of crochet orders (that's not a complaint, it's a blessing...sometimes a little overwhelming, but a blessing...) I've stayed pretty busy. I want to put together a presentation to share at some churches, as soon as my laptop comes back from having that pesky power jack repaired. Apparently I'm hard on them - this is the second time.

Coming home has brought a lot of questions and comments.  For your convenience, I'll answer the most common ones below. Perhaps these answers will be a little more interesting than the ones I have given you individually - I apologize - I'm not so great at thinking on my feet. This is not me trying to ward off questions - I like talking to people face to face, please keep doing that! This is just my attempt at giving you some more intelligent answers than the ones I've been giving...

Was there Ebola?

No. We were very far away. I believe about three thousand miles, although I'm a little foggy on the numbers. Actually, there are/were more cases in the US than there are in SA - we had NONE. Also, we had good medical care, should we have needed to avail ourselves of it. If I cough or sneeze on you (which is gross, I'll try not to) you will NOT catch Ebola.

Do you miss the babies?

Yes. Maybe not so much the first week, when I was enjoying not being needed by little people. (Although honestly, it's not like I needed a break - I think I worked twice the last week I was there because we were doing all our last minute stuff.) But after that, yes, I miss my babies now. I want to snuggle Owlie and Small, and I miss tying a baby on my back and doing my morning chores. I was starting to get used to baby care, African style. I came home and I was like, "Really? You actually carry that big clunky awkward carseat around everywhere? How strange." There is a whole new crop of babies here, but it's not the same when they aren't yours. You hand them back to their parents after a few minutes, and they really aren't dependent on you. It does help my baby fix a little tiny bit though. =)

How was it?/How was your trip?/Did you have a good experience?/Did you like it?

These four similar questions are the most frequently asked questions, and it's wonderful that you are asking - you care about me, and that's great - but they are the hardest to answer! Well, technically, I guess they aren't - the simple answers are "great, great, it was wonderful, and yes, I did." I feel like I owe people more than that, though. I think the difficulty lies in that I don't see it as a trip or an experience, even though technically it is both of those things. It was, and is, more than just that - it's life, and it's an amazing and wonderful thing! I've been told, "You know, this is great, but eventually you have to get back to real life." This is my real life! I don't see this as an isolated event, like a two-week missions trip would be. It's more like a chapter in my life story - I know it will eventually end, but while it happens, I am continuing on with what is now my normal life. You settle down, get into a routine. It's not a mountaintop event, like a weekend youth conference or something. It became even less like one once I started extending, and then when I got the opportunity to go back - for now, this is my "normal." And if you were wondering - people haven't really asked me that much about my plans farther out - no, I haven't the slightest idea what the next chapter will look like.

Did you find a guy?

No, much to the chagrin of my African friends.

Are you going back? When?

Lord willing, yes. Whenever I get support raised. I'm hoping that is early next year.

I also want to respond to a comment, or more specifically, a genre of comment that I keep getting over and over since I have come home. It takes various forms, but it usually sounds something like, "Wow, that's such a wonderful thing you are doing" or "I'm so proud of you."

These are very nice things to say. Please don't stop saying nice things to me - I much prefer it to the alternatives - unkind things, which none of you would say anyway, or just not talking to me. I am, however, usually at a loss as to how to respond with anything besides, "Well, it's great, I love it..." Sometimes I wonder what exactly people are meaning when they say it...I mean, it's nice, and it's true that it's a wonderful thing. But you know? It's not a sacrifice for me to do this. I mean, in a way I suppose it is - taking care of babies IS taxing and I DO get homesick and there ARE conflicts to work through with people. But, this is my passion and I love it. I find so much joy in it. Isn't it amazing that serving God is not burdensome? Because He totally doesn't have to make it so wonderful for us. We have no right to this, but His grace is just so good. (Just so you know, I'm not trying to downplay those who are in really, really hard circumstances, like those persecuted for their faith. Who, I have heard, still find an awful lot of joy in following God - He sustains them.) Also, Romans 12:1 tells me that presenting myself as a living sacrifice is my "reasonable service." Not something out of the ordinary that is extra-special.

So when you tell me, "It's such a wonderful thing that you are doing" and I mumble, "ahem, yeah, sure, I like it a lot" and struggle to remain intelligently verbal (I'm working on this, I think it's a pretty necessary communication skill), I want you to know that me doing this is actually an amazing, wonderful thing that God is doing and I'm pretty much completely in awe of what He's doing, too! It's just kind of really hard to figure out a way to say that without making it sound fake. Also, I don't feel like this 100% of the time, because I am a sinner, and sometimes I get really angry at newborns who cry for hours in the middle of the night. Just so you know.

Another comment - which I don't get directly too often, but is kind of implied in the above statements - is, "You are such a wonderful person."

This one, I will answer straight out. I am not a wonderful person. I spent the entire year living in community and learning what a wonderful person I am NOT. There is no one like a housemate/sister to bring out the sin that is already in your heart! Unless it's living with a whole lot of people who are different from you. Or, the above mentioned crying baby at 2 am who won't sleep. Empirical evidence aside, the Bible says we are all sinners. Only, it goes a whole lot further than that. I don't just make mistakes or messes or errors in judgment. I actually sin against a holy God. In fact, it's to the point where, before God saved me, I was dead in my sin. You can't get much worse than that. That was really pounded into my heart this year.

And I am so grateful.

Because the more you understand your complete hopelessness before God, the judgment you deserve, the more you realize how incredible His grace is. Wonderful and crazy and absolutely ridiculous. Folks, even my attempts at good deeds were sin. My righteousness was like filthy rags - the actual Biblical term for that is pretty gross, so we won't get into it here. There was nothing, nothing, NOTHING I could do, and God extended His grace to me and forgave me.

He loves me.

It has given me so much freedom to understand this. Although it's still a struggle at times (especially around non-Christians who don't understand in the same way), I don't have to worry about people seeing my sin. I can openly confess because I know I am a sinner, but I know my position before God and I am NOT CONDEMNED. Like I said, this is still hard, but it is SO much easier and I'm not running around constantly trying to look good at all costs, like I never make a mistake.

God is good. His grace is so good. This year, I've fallen in love with the Gospel. I always thought it was something to learn, appreciate, and then kind of move on to something "deeper." I didn't realize that you move on deeper...into the Gospel.

So no, I'm not a wonderful person.

But I do serve an incredible God.

North Carolina adventures and misadventures

Hello all!
Things have been busy since I have been home. I spent ten days recovering from my flight home, then took off again to North Carolina to visit my sweet nieces, Sarah and Anna! You may remember how my good friend, Stephanie, adopted them from Bulgaria - Anna from Burgas and Sarah from Pleven. I got to go on the referral trip with her in June 2013 and saw them last December in Bulgaria on the pickup trip (I was traveling with another friend) and a few days later when they got home.

They are doing so well! Anna speaks English fluently now and is attending school. She loves to follow her mama (and me) around the house ALL DAY LONG and ask questions. (Usually the same ones over and over again.) 

Sarah is talking up a storm, as well. She came home only saying four or five words, and now she sometimes even speaks in whole sentences! She can name and point to her body parts, and she knows her colors. She has been struggling to gain weight, so she had a feeding tube put in this past summer. She loves to watch her shows on TV. Sometimes, when she wants you to leave her alone for a while, she says, "Watch! Bye bye!"

She hates the doctor, which is understandable but unfortunate, because she has to visit there a lot. We went to a doctor's appointment and she sobbed the whole way, "Go home! Get lellow!" She knows if she is wearing her pajamas (the "lellow" ones are her favorite) she gets to stay home all day!

While Sarah is Miss Independent and fond of her alone time (no wonder, due to her sad history of neglect and abandonment...) Miss Anna is my snuggler. And so sweet! I told her I would be leaving on Monday, and she asked me all weekend: "On Monday I go to school? And you go home?

"Yes, I'm going home."

"But you come back next week, right?"

"No, I'm going to leave for a long time. I'm going to Ohio and then to Africa. But I'm going to miss you sooooo much. So I am sad."

"Ok, go ahead and cry, it's ok."

"No, I'm not sad yet, it's fine."

"Go ahead and cry, it's ok. You're sad."

*awwwwww*

I assured her I'd call her on Skype and it would make me very happy. When we dropped her off at school on Monday morning, she told me, "I'll call you when it's time to get on the computer!"

She also drew me a picture so I could "hang it on the wall in the Africa." You better believe I will!

I left Monday morning, then attempted to ride the Greyhound bus from Raleigh to Charlotte. Notice I said "attempted." Paul (Sarah and Anna's dad) dropped me off at the bus station after we took the kids to school, in ample time to catch my 9:50 bus. I waited and waited. 9:50 came and went, and I got to observe Raleigh bus station culture. It was an educational experience, for sure. Various people looked like they were on some sort of drug, or could be. I heard more foul language than I have all year. One Hispanic guy walked around talking to us in Spanish. I pitied him (I remembered trying to navigate the trolley in Bulgaria, without speaking the language) but even though we kindly told him we didn't understand him, he kept coming back and talking to us, getting more and more frustrated until he finally said something with "tonto" in it and I hoped he wasn't calling us stupid. Come to think of it, maybe he was referring to the three-hour delay we were sitting through...The bus station attendant tried to kick him out, even though he seemed to have a ticket. I managed to find another Hispanic guy who spoke marginally more English, but all I could get out of them was "Him say him sorry." Sorry for what? I have no idea...

And it WAS a three hour delay. At least. I think it might have been three and a half. They told us our bus had broken down and had no idea when a new one would be here. They were most unhelpful and not very polite, although they did give us coupons for free lunches, which was the only bright spot in the whole morning. Somehow I found myself buddying up with an ex-convict...well, maybe buddying up is too strong of a word. Complaining together? He did convince his friend to let me use his phone because...OH...I forgot to tell you...my computer power jack broke AND my phone stopped working, all in the same weekend, so I had no means of communication to tell my aunt and uncle (who were picking me up in Charlotte) that my bus was going to be at LEAST three hours late. In my defense, I didn't find out about the jail time till later, when we were on the bus and this other guy kept annoying him. He was sitting across from me, "I can't do this. I can't punch him. I don't want to go back to jail..."

I saw four blind people (two with guide dogs) and pitied them that they had to use this system. I'm sure if Stephanie has anything to do with it, her girls will never see the inside of a bus!

I had one layover in Winston-Salem, and I was supposed to catch the 1:10 bus. As you can imagine, I missed it - I got there at 3:20. The next bus didn't leave for Charlotte until 6:20. I wouldn't arrive in Charlotte until probably after 8, and it was an hour to my aunt and uncle's. Did I mention that DRIVING between Raleigh and Charlotte takes 2 1/2 hours? This bus station proved to be just as unique of an experience as the last one, complete with foul-mouth screaming match and some rather inappropriate behavior. I found a nice, bewildered lady who generously let me use the last bit of power on her phone to call my aunt and uncle, who said they would come pick me up. Then I tried to help her devise a plan to charge her phone to call HER friend, who at least was already on the way. There were no accessible power outlets and a sign warning that it was against the rules to try to charge your electronics in the building. She kept trying to plug it in behind the vending machine, but some bus station passenger kept yelling at her that she wasn't allowed to do that. I felt partly responsibly for her difficulty, after all, she DID let me use her phone and run down the charge more than it already had...oh well. 

Finally, my aunt and uncle arrived to pick me up. I will never, and I repeat NEVER, be taking Greyhound again unless it is an absolute necessity. I am grateful for two things: all the people who so kindly let me use their phones, and that I didn't die, so in the end, it could have been worse! Never have I ever been so glad to be back in a familiar place, with familiar faces! Next time I am taking the train - I hear it's about the same price!

Home...in part.

I'm home now.

We got home from the airport about 3am Tuesday morning. It was so good to see my family! My parents and my brother all came to pick me up. I flew from Johannesburg to London to Chicago to Cleveland - it was quite the journey. Alyssa and I got to enjoy some sightseeing during our hours in London.

It was pretty cool. We had a friend of a friend who was supposed to meet us and show us around, but he was an older gentleman who ended up getting sick, so he just sent us directions as to the type of subway ticket to buy and the places we could walk to see, and they were very easy to follow. We mostly just walked around and looked at the sights - we didn't have much time and entrance to everything cost an arm and a leg! We got to see Big Ben, Piccadilly Circus, Westminster Abbey, Buckingham Palace, the Thames, and a couple of monuments and nice parks.

Alyssa's flight left about 3pm, and mine about an hour later. I lost her going through security, and just about freaked out because I hadn't gotten to say goodbye. Some really nice older guy from security told me to go downstairs and have the help desk page her...but not to tell them why because otherwise they wouldn't do it. I managed to convince the lady at the help desk that it was VERY IMPORTANT that I talk to my friend before her flight left. (Being back in a country where customer service is a thing, was wonderful. All of the airline attendants were SO sweet when I kept losing people, or getting seats mixed up, etc.) Then I stood forlornly in the middle of the busy aisle trying to spot her - the very place where I waited 7 hours for her to show up in January, as a matter of fact. She didn't actually hear the page, but she managed to find me anyway, for which I was very grateful. Saying goodbye was very hard, we'll just leave it at that. God has taught us both so much together this year and we have a very tight friendship. Please pray for us both as we go back to our lives at home, me for a few months and her indefinitely. 

The long flight from London to Chicago was kind of lonely, but I had a good half-dozen or so notes from friends, stored away in my bag, to cheer me up. (Or, alternately, make me tear up, but oh well, I know I am loved.) 

My plane finally got in to Cleveland around midnight and I got to see my family shortly thereafter! I about tripped coming down the escalator...I missed them so much. Then, we had 1 1/2-2 hour drive home. At last, my own bed! I'd forgotten how wonderfully soft a mattress can be. =)

I've spent the last two days unpacking, visiting friends, and purging my STUFF. A year gives a good perspective. I can't believe how much stuff I thought was worth keeping! The entire year away, I never said, "Man, I really wish I had my church camp notes from 2008!" or "Wow, I wish I had my disposable wrist band from when we visited the science center in 2006!" or, "I'm sure glad I saved all the name tags I ever got!" Don't think I haven't missed any of my stuff, though...getting dressed feels like I just went clothes shopping because of all the variety, and I walk around talking to my possessions like a ditz: "Pink tool kit, I wished I had you!" and "Brown boots, I have missed you!" and "Drawing supplies, you are coming back with me!"

I'm also eating some of the things I've craved all year...I went out and bought Lucky Charms and Little Debbie oatmeal cream pies. There were shouts of joy when I discovered pepperoni in the fridge, and the Ranch dressing bottle is significantly lower. It is also too cold to run/exercise outside. This could be a problem. But honestly, I think the cravings will abate very soon...=)

I also get to drive now! This was thrilling. (My power steering fluid thingy also needs fixed. This is not thrilling.)

All that superficial stuff aside, though? I am soooo glad to be able to spend time with the people who matter to me. And I am really missing the OTHER people who matter to me. I got to go to choir tonight and see church friends, and now I'm missing my Living Hope family. (It's been all of three days...) My heart is most definitely in two places. This has its advantages - I am loved and have people I love wherever I am. This has its disadvantages - even if I do my best to live in the moment, I am perpetually missing someone (or a lot of someones). Also, I go through Alyssa withdrawal and Lerato withdrawal and I-desperately-need-to-hug-a-squishy-orphan-baby withdrawal.

Like these cuties! These are the ten that I was privileged to care for over the last ten months. Can you handle that much squishiness???

I have been convicted this year about some of that superficial stuff (the few random foods I couldn't find, comforts of home, my pillow-top mattress) mattering more to me than relationships. I think it was because it was easier to complain about a lack of chocolate syrup than about missing my mother. Coming home just reinforces the fact that that stuff doesn't really matter. Little Debbie oatmeal cream pies are not as ultimately satisfying as my friends back in Africa (even if they are really yummy and pretty much inimitable.) (The cookies, not the people.)

Although it's been great, it does feel strange to be back home! Honestly, it even feels weird to say the word "home"...because even though I'm only committing for a year (to start), this is truly only half my home now. I miss living with people constantly around. Quiet time is nice too, but I can only handle so much of that before I start itching. I think I'm allergic to it. (Oh, how I pity the introverts who have lived around me. I think I need to work on this. I think they would agree. You know who you are. ;) ) I am working hard to remedy all this quietness around me. If you live nearby and want to hang out, let me know. =) Only, I should probably bring my yarn because I'm about to turn into a crocheting machine, tomorrow.

Please pray for me as I'm finally starting to get a little stressed/overwhelmed with the idea of fundraising. I don't have an exact total yet, but I think I will be needing to raise between $15,000 and $20,000. This is more than last year - my goal is to buy a car, and I will be paying for car insurance and gas (petrol). I don't think I can crochet that many hats! I will have a post, next, about the different fundraisers that are going on. I'm selling some beautiful paper bead necklaces I brought back from Africa, and I'll post more about the different crochet items people can order.

One funny story before I go!

So, we went to the Boeremark (Afrikaans farmer's market) on Saturday before we left. Janelle bought this delicious looking kebab of meat. Donovan asked her what type it was.

Janelle: Oh, it was elk! And only 22 rand! I just had to try it!

Donovan: Elk? Really? (This would be like coming to America and having kudu kebabs. Elk aren't from here. It's just weird.)

Janelle: Yeah, the sign said "22 Rand Elk!"

"Elk" is the word for "each" in Afrikaans. Most of us can deduce this by now. Poor Nellie. =P

We love you! 

I think it's time to call it a night! I'm trying to shake this jet-lag thing, but it isn't gone yet.

To my Ohio family - it's been wonderful to see you and hug you.

To my South African family (and "African-American" family - the missionaries and other interns) - I miss you so much already.

I love you both!

~ Auntie Abbie