So, if you've read any of my posts for any length of time, you'll know that I work with some pretty hilarious kids. I've combed through the archives and put together some of my favorite stories and quotes from over the last few years (keep in mind that some of these were from when they were pretty small, like 2, but Big T is 6 now). I only wish I would have written down more! But I hope you enjoy.
Big T: (picks up paint stir stick): Can I paint with this?
Me (envisions what will happen if this child has paint): No.
Big T: That’s crazy.
Me: What’s crazy?
Big T: MY FACE!
T: When I grow up, I’m not gonna listen to church songs! I’m ONLY gonna listen to kids’ music!
So, I have this little wire basket shaped like a chicken that usually holds eggs . Right now it has potatoes. I was going to make some chips so I took it down.
Big T: What you doing?
Me: Making chips.
Big T: Oh, you making chips for the chicken! Good job, Abbie! Applause, applause, applause!
Little T: I was coughin’ like this. *cough cough* I was gettin’ multivitimals.
Big T (affirming): Multi-meatimals.
Little T (happily exclaiming): Multi-beetimals!
"I can’t go to the toilet. It’s too sensible." ~ Child in Sunday school
“Auntie Abbie, I like your dress and your clothes and your head.”
“...and your clothes and your pants...” ~ Big T
So Little T's pants aren’t staying where they are supposed to because the elastic is totally worn out, so she’s been hiking them up all afternoon. Big T says the problem is “her pants don’t have batteries.”
Big T and Little T (eating their dinner): I EATIN’ ANIMAL!
(Well, I guess it IS true...)
Big T: Don’t repeat everything I say! (Turns to Little T) Say, “Don’t repeat everything I say.”
So, big T calls bubbles Bibles. I thought it was just a cute mispronunciation until he was running around chasing them yelling "Jesus, Jesus!"
According to Big T, the kernels of popcorn that don't pop are referred to as "the bones of the popcorn."
Me: Hey guys!
Big T: Hey, Guy Abbie!
Big T: Hey, Guy Abbie!
Big T (to one bike falling on the other): No fiy-tin', bikes. No fiy-tin', ne?
Me: I’m tired. T, can you put me to bed?
Big T: *looks a bit confused* ...go to the bed...
"You love me, you love me, we're a happy fal-a-meee..." ~ Big T
Big T is finally saying "It's finished!" instead of "It's Finnish!"
Me: *walks out of my room in pajamas*
Big T: Hey Abbie, I like-ah dress!
At dinner when she ran out of meat...
M: T, you need to stop crying.
Little T (pathetically sobbing): Need to stop, Mama, need to stop....
You know it's gonna be a long prayer when Little T starts thanking God for sticks and chairs and tables and people and chairs and the ground and dustbins and feet and chairs.
Little T came down to my house today and asked me if I had a "pleasure cooker."
Big T and Little T are in the backseat arguing over whether it’s called a tummy or a belly.
BigT: Guys. Bellies are SERIOUS!!!
Little T just put "governments" on her hands so she didn't burn them when taking imaginary pizza out of the oven. Governments = oven mitts.
Me: That’s Cinderella.
Big T: Umbrella.
Me:...yeah.
M: Why are you crying?
Little T: I cryin’.
M: But WHY are you crying??!
Little T: I cryin’...
Little T (points to a logo on a shirt): Mama, I like your ABCD.
Me: Say please...thank you.
Big T: Plank you!
Little T (eating lollipop): Look, Mama, I eating yummy balloon!
M: T, where is your happy heart?
Big T: Happy heart is ouchy.
Little T (climbs on something)
Big T (enthusiastically): Me too! I’m gonna get high!
Me (laughing): WHAT did you say?!
Big T (looks confused): I said, I wanna get higher up...
Me: Did you write on the bike?
Big T: I color. Sneaky sneaky.
At least he's honest, I guess...
"Auntie Abbie, I want to do a hungry..." ~ Big T
Me: *puts on makeup*
Big T: Good job, Abbie, you so cute, good job!
Big T: Good job, Abbie, you so cute, good job!
It’d be easier to resist my book weakness if I didn’t stand in the (thrift) store thinking about how Little T hugs each book and tells it by name that she loves it, before she puts it away.
(Hugs) “I love you, Big Green Monster!”
(Hugs) “I love you, Chicka Chicka Boom Boom!”
Me (reading aloud): Pippi sang in a hoarse voice...
Little T: You mean like this? *neighs*
"It's windy, everyone! Put on your hats and pockets!" ~ Big T
"Little T is teaching me Spaghetti [Sepedi]." ~ Big T
"I'm so impressed!" ~ Little T (meaning that she's pressed)
"Corona is not kind. It doesn't wanna go away." ~ Big T
"They are neighbors, and we are people, and they are people." ~ Big T
"The pastor's in the HAT!!!" ~ Big T (trying to sing the lyrics to Let it Go)
Big T: When I grow up, I have to marry someone.
Little T: We can marry each other!
Me: You can't marry each other - you're brother and sister.
Little T: When we grow up, we can marry each other.
Me: Even when you're grown up, you still can't.
Little T: When Corona goes away, we can marry each other...
"My tea is not properly!" ~ Little T
Words according to Big T's definitions:
"Scrubbled" - messed up/wrinkled
"Taged" - torn, ripped
"Colar bear" - polar bear
"Grooty" - messed up/sloppy
"Entertiring" - entertaining/tiring
"Wurb" - something a spider spins
"Inspickerating" - ?
"Imagine blender" - immersion blender
Words according to Little T's definitions:
"Coward" - many cows
"Vernaculars" - binoculars
Someone: "Fresty" - "the things for the party to start"
"Tackoo" - charcoal
(Lots of fun trying to guess what their mom would send them down to my house to fetch...)
Big T: I LOOOOVE vegetables!
Auntie: What's your favorite vegetable?
Big T: Chocolate cake!
Big T: You can't marry a man you MET!!
So, Big T thinks the words to 10,000 Reasons are not “worship your holy name” but “worship your whole Rene.”
"Did you cross your mind?" ~ Big T
"I want to be a yogurt instructor." ~ Little T
B: Today is 23 9.
Me: What is that?
B: I don't think so. Today is very, very Wednesday.
Not a quote, but...B didn't get a bike helmet until a month or two after the other kids (it took me a while to find him one). After the initial reaction, though, he didn't let it bother him...he just soooo carefully took out his imaginary helmet and buckled it on before he started riding! Then when he was done he'd take it off and snap it onto the handlebars of his bike. You know, so he didn't lose it. I think he took better care of his imaginary helmet than most of his real possessions...
Little T, upon finally receiving her bike helmet: Now all our helmets can be on our bikes in the garage...I want to cry!
Me: Are you sad?
Little T: No! I love it!
Me: Your helmet is to protect your skull.
Big T: What's a skull?
Me: Remember, your head bone?
Big T: Oh! My bonehead!
Big T nicknamed Little T's super slow and hard to pedal bike "Largo." You know, after the music tempo...
Big T: When I grow up, I'm going to make a delicious feast. It's going to be toast and cooldrink and juice and donuts and white eggs - the flat ones. Oh, and tacos. And I would like if you could come.
Me: explains God's final judgment of Earth
Big T: Auntie Abbie, if that's true, we need to get a rocket ship and get off this planet!
(Funny...but not funny!)
"Auntie Abbie, I think a kidnapper sounds like someone who takes kids and forces them to take naps." ~ a friend's child
"I can go anywhere with the wind in my hair, I just wanna be ME!" ~ Little T, who makes up very lengthy songs while on her own in the yard...they all sound like a bot took all the Hallmark and Barbie movies and wrote like a 15 minute emotional song full of these kinds of phrases that makes little to no sense, but definitely has all the feels!
"Rainy tacos, ooooOOOOooooo..." (When I asked them why, they told me "so and so from church sings it...")
Big T (hands me a flyer): Maybe baby home has enough mail. Maybe we should start bringing mail to you so you can show it to your friends when they come over...
"When I grow up and forget about what's in my body, maybe I can study it again with you." ~ Big T
Big T: I hope we aren't almost done with our [outer space] book!
Me: No, look, we have all these pages left.
Big T: Whew! That was a close one!
Me (getting to a suspenseful part in a book): She ran away as quick as a rabbit...
Big T: cracks up laughing
Me: But this is a scary part!
Big T: But auntie Abbie! She was pretending to be a rabbit!
They also think the word "extinct" (EX-STINKED) is HILARIOUS.
We got back from the library and the kids were helping each other out of the car. Big T lifted up the middle seat so the girls could climb out and was like "ladies..." in his most polite gentlemanly voice.
So then Little T starts giving him a tongue lashing about how he's helping them now but he let her trip at the library. Intense, full blown sass. Keep in mind, this is usually the relatively demure, sweet child.
Big T tries to say sorry. And she just starts going on about how he didn't say sorry at the library. I come around the corner of the car - I don't think she saw me - and fix my mom glare on her.
She looks aside and very quietly mutters "I didn't hear THAT coming..."
Big T: Auntie Abbie, I know that [Barbie storybooks] make you dizzy.
Me: Why do you say that?
Big T: Because every time we ask you to read it, you say, "Let's not read that one..."
B (looks at a large brown dog hanging out behind the black bars of a fence): Look! A tiger!
Me (pulling through the McDonald's drive through with B): Auntie Abbie is just getting coffee for herself, that's all.
B: I get coffee too?
Me (shuddering at the thought of a caffeinated B): No, coffee is just for adults...
(Pulling up to the order box): One coffee please.
B (from the backseat) TWO COFFEE!
(We pull around) IT NOT ONE, IT TWO!
