Book of Lists: Ways to Show Love to Others

In the last few blog posts, I shared some of the things I have been learning during lockdown. I have been using a large blank journal/sketchbook for various forms of journaling, such as mind maps and lists. I thought I'd share another one of my lists with you today - ways to show love to others.

Love is commanded and explained in many places in the Bible...no one can argue with that.

"I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." Ephesians 4:1-3

"This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you." John 15:12

"Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8

"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4:32

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

I thought it was good to think about how we express it, because love (and lack thereof) is communicated in so many different ways, both verbal and nonverbal. It's so important to be able to communicate clearly and it helps so much in relationships if people know you care about them. And it's so easy to come across as if you don't!

And of course, love between believers brings glory to God...like in the old hymn, "they'll know we are Christians by our love." I love this version. (Except for that one verse...please don't save my pride. Help me kill it...)

Keep in mind that just because I write about these, doesn't mean I'm necessarily very good at doing them! But God is working in me to help me. I'm blessed to be in a church community where many people have done these things for ME.

Ways to Show Love to Others

Listen when they talk. Stop interrupting ideas as well as sentences. Ask questions but not too many. Try to really figure out what they want to convey.

Figure out what means the most to them and then do that. Listen hard for this and pay attention.

Ask for forgiveness when needed - and do it thoughtfully and not just to get them off my back.

Make it a point to encourage them and in general speak positively. Have less of a filter on good speech.

Keep my word.

Prioritize spending time with them.

Don't ask things of them that should only come from God. Being made into an idol is a heavy burden to bear. Making someone my everything is not love...it's a millstone.

Go out of the way to plan special things for them.

Find out what they dislike and don't do that, as much as reasonably possible.

Be patient with them. Love them over the long haul. Don't be forceful - but don't run away when things are hard or emotional.

Pray for them. Often and earnestly.

Love them even when it drains me and costs me. Love them even when it's terribly inconvenient. This doesn't mean I say "yes" to everything, but it does mean I say "yes" to some things I feel like saying "no" to. Love is not just doing what I want when I want to do it.

Believe the best about them. Don't assume the worst.

Be honest and clear when I communicate with them.

Be lighthearted and have fun sometimes - don't be heavy all the time.

Greet them like I am delighted to see them - and don't let it be fake. (This one is especially important in African culture! And it took me a long time to learn...I don't know HOW many people probably thought I was angry at them...)

Guard my tongue - from flippant, careless speech, from gossip, from complaining. Think about the consequences of my speech.

Remember to ask them about things that are important to them.

Make them food. (My friends know this is how I personally express love!)

Have them over (when we aren't on lockdown). Invite them into my life. It's probably crazy and maybe the toilet isn't clean and they'll need to help me cook and at least two people will come down to my house to ask for favors. It's worth it anyway. Having someone experience your real life with you is way more meaningful than perfect entertaining. And space doesn't need to be an issue. We've fit over 30 people in my two-bedroom house before, for Thanksgiving dinner. It was totally awesome.

Hug them, or don't, depending on what they like, and whether or not I'm supposed to stay 2 meters away from them, or 1 meter, or 1.2 meters, or 1.6 meters, or 6 feet, or...eish, I'm about ready to give up trying to figure this thing out. I miss hugging people more than just about anything else, during this lockdown.

Help them avoid sin. This may take some creativity, but it's good to have someone in your corner helping steer you away from temptation.

Think of creative ways to love them even when I'm limited (such as during lockdown). Use all means at hand.

This is just a start! I'm so thankful that as Christians we will have all of eternity to enjoy friendship with each other.

Lessons from Lockdown (Part 2)

If you didn't catch part 1 of this post, you can read it here. I am sharing some of the things God has been teaching me during this lockdown period.

More Lessons from Lockdown

- God is giving me GOOD things to enjoy because HE is good. There are so many amazing things - how much more amazing must He have to be to think them up! A boring, fun-sucking God doesn't invent chocolate.

- God is an artist and not only is this world His art - our lives are - a vastly multi-dimensional, beautiful piece of art. "You are His workmanship."

- Christ is enough, but He is not just enough. He is BETTER. His person and character are better than I can possibly imagine.  His plans and what He is going to give me are BETTER than what I think I want. They are not just a passable substitute, the bare minimum. The future is infinitely, wonderfully more than I can ask or imagine.

- This suffering is needed in my life. It is the only thing that is really forcing me to run to Christ.

- The Sower's Song - this song really hit home for me. Please give it a listen...

This suffering is a seed that will grow a massive tree for eternity. God is planting eternal praise for Himself. Everything is going to be...well, there are no words for that wonder. Everything will be good. Better than good. More than redemption.

- We don't know how to enjoy joy without the threat of sadness. 

"It's too good to be true."

"All good things come to an end."

"It's too good to last."

What if we turned those statements on their head to reflect what is actuallyl true when we take eternity into account?

"It's too bad to last."

"All bad things come to an end." 

(Only good things don't!)

"It's so good it has to be true!"

(Because God is the greatest Good and He is always true...)

- I actually do struggle with loneliness (for a while, I thought I didn't), but not in the traditional sense. It took a lockdown to show me that I was seeking to scratch that itch with people. It wasn't all wrong - fellowship is needed. But I need to run to Christ more for companionship and comfort. I wasn't, and this often caused a lot of friction in friendship. This loneliness doesn't present in the same way as someone who sits around feeling lonely all the time, but that person and I share the same root issue.

- I've learned a while ago, that I don't need to sit around waiting and dreading the next wave of anxiety that comes to cripple me. Because I'm learning that it's sin, and as a good friend told me, that's good news, because "there's a cure for that!" I can say no to sin, by God's grace and in His strength. But I'm realizing now that there's a second reason I don't have to be afraid. I play a song for the kids about how Peter walked on water and his faith failed; he looked at the waves and started to drown, to slip into the waves. But he cried for help and God heard him, Jesus stretched out His hand and saved him. And even if I slip into nauseating, crippling anxiety - God will graciously and lovingly reach out His hand and pull me up.

Lessons from Lockdown

So, I have this huge journal that I think may actually be a sketchbook, but I use it for a journal because well, I don't draw that often. I love it because the pages are huge and leave plenty of room for my mind maps. I started drawing these at the end of last year to help me think about things that are important to me - ideas or topics or Scripture passages or difficulties I'm facing.

As the months have passed, I've branched out a bit and started using it for other things as well. I use it to study for school, to take notes (pretty hard to type my notes like I used to when class is now on my computer), and recently, I also began to use it to make lists of things. I had an idea to make a sort of "Book of Lists", but no extra book, and I figured I might as well use this one, since I had so many notebooks going already. So I began to make lists, and to add to them here and there...there are many different topics, such as:

Funny Things the Kids Say
Books Read in 2020
Days of Lockdown
People I Meet (All Souls Matter)
Ways to Encourage Others With Words
Things I Want to Do When Lockdown Ends
Things to Do During Lockdown
Ways to Help People See Truth
Ways Others Have Encouraged Me
Ways to Show Love to Others
Self-Controlled Habits to Build (this one is very short because it was quickly overwhelming...)
Things I Know That Are True (even in situation X)

Why am I doing it? Because I want to record things...want to think about them more...because lists are fun! As a side benefit, these lists can hopefully spawn a blog post here or there. In this blog post, I thought you might like to know some of the things I'm learning during lockdown - specifically, from the list I wrote around April/May during the more intense stages.

Lessons from Lockdown (Part 1)

- Jesus is my best friend - even when I don't recognize it or feel it or acknowledge it.

- He KNOWS. He knows what I am feeling and exactly how it hurts. He knows because He was tempted and can sympathize with my weaknesses.

- He CARES. No one loves me more than Christ. No one is more patient with me. No one else has more compassion.

- He INITIATES. I don't have to make the first move (in fact, I made a lot of anti-moves) and wonder if I'm really more into this friendship than He is. That would be impossible. If anyone is committed to this thing, it's Him.

- He is ALWAYS there. He's never too tired or busy or emotionally drained. His ears always hear my cry. He's never too far away or locked down or inaccessible because I'm at work or something.

- He has POWER to help. No matter how much others care, they can't change my circumstances or work in my heart. They can't take away my guilt or change my sinful habits or heal my pain.

- He SATISFIES. No friendship, no matter how close and loving and beautiful, can bring that closure to my soul, that feeling of "this is finally enough." If I look for satisfaction there, love will only turn to poison. If I look to Christ, those relationships will grow. He is the only one who is enough for me. Trying to fill that need with friends is like throwing them into a black hole.

- God is sovereign even when my world is collapsing. Not one atom is out of His control. He is on His throne, sitting down, not running around in a panic.

- He is also WISE. This all doesn't make sense to me. It's a good thing He tells me not to trust my own understanding. I can't see the big picture.

- He is also GOOD. He does what is best, And "what is best" is not just for the general good but for MY good! God has designed it so that my good is inseparably linked with His glory. This is because I am united to Christ! (This also means that He shares my suffering.)

- I need to trust God with strength for today. He isn't going to help me live tomorrow, today.

- I have significantly underrated what it means for God to be with us - if I ever understood or thought about it at all. Right now I just have this craving to be WITH people. That's not wrong. But that desire to be with someone will ultimately be fulfilled in Christ's presence in heaven. And I don't even fully get that or realize that's what I'm craving, because I've never experienced His presence, and sin is marring my view of Him. And God is coming down to be WITH us! (Me, yes, but us, because we experience it together!) Christ has permanently taken on flesh...He is not "with us" but unapproachable. God is moving in with us!

Part 2 coming soon!
   

Special K

Sometimes it felt like the day would never come, but our sweet Special K is finally going to her new home. We are so excited for her. We know family is God's design and it's where children thrive - not in a baby home. We are only designed to be a stop along the way.

But we will miss her very much. Two years (more than two years!) is quite a long stop along the way. That's definitely plenty of time to get attached.

When she came to us, she was this tiny.

I had two babies with alternate schedules - someone was always awake. So I had to carry her on my back while I did chores. 

Sweet little chubby legs!

She has always loved her buddy L.

Her first birthday. The cake was almost as big as she was!

She loves to give "huggies" and will pat and scratch your back.

Everyone was terrified of the water fountains at the mall, but at least she was absolutely adorable in her swimsuit.

Two! Our little sweet and sassy rainbow princess.

She's the cutest scary monster ever.

I know a lot of children come home from orphanages that are very difficult places. But many children in the system come from places where they are very, very loved. We love her - we love her enough to get attached and to care for her for years, knowing we will someday have to let go. I hope she always knows she was loved from the moment she was carried in our doors, and I hope she grows up to know the love of Christ as well. I want a lot of things for our babies - a family, a happy life where their needs are met, etc. But mostly, I want them to grow up to know the Lord. Please keep her in your prayers as she goes out to start her new life. And please pray for us as we let go, knowing we will likely never see her again. It's hard! But it's worth it. We are trusting God. We are thankful for the time we had. And we are thankful for God's good design of family. 

We love you, K! You will be missed. Go on out there and sparkle like the little princess you are.

Lockdown Files - Week 5

Day 29: Another Friday, another fire. We had some fresh homemade donuts and I played my fiddle while I waited for the food to be ready. I’ve been taking requests from the kids, which is a never-boring way to work on playing from ear. “Play the Veggie Tales theme song!”

I’m pretty out of practice and hit quite a few wrong notes, but they don’t care. I spent so much time while I was learning music in my teen years (and somewhat into adulthood) feeling really insecure about my abilities and wanting to be as good as people who were more skilled than me. Now, I’m learning that music can be something that can be used for others’ enjoyment, not just so that I can feel good about myself. So that’s kind of neat. 

Also, today Little T referred to the new WiFi satellite as “the roof wife” so that was pretty hilarious. 

Day 30: As you can see, we are all hungry for a bit of freedom! We heard a friend was on her way to the shops and all went up to wave at her. Poor Babybear didn’t understand why Auntie Gigi couldn’t come and give him a hug. It was good to say hi, though.

They watched Winnie the Pooh in the evening. Apparently that name is hilarious if you’re 3 and 4, and they couldn’t stop giggling once I explained that it was not, indeed, Winnie the POOL. With all of the conversation going on in there, I thought one of the toddlers needed a nappy change.

Me: KK, come here, I need to change you.

KK: *comes and is clean*

Me: Guys! Why did you tell me she stinks when she doesn’t?
Little T: Maybe it was the neighbors. What do you want to be when you grow up? Would you rather fly or run super fast/become invisible/etc.? What superhero would you want to be? What is your favorite animal? What are you thankful for? What is your favorite food? What is your favorite song? Little T: Yes I can. One...two...(continues counting)...nineteen, twenty! There are twenty stars!x

You know, we live in the city, so whenever we hear a sound or smell food and we don’t know where it’s coming from, we say “must be the neighbors.” This is the first time we’ve blamed this particular smell on them though. 

Last picture is by a friend who’s been illustrating random things I say, as art practice.  It’s a plattyrplaguapocalypse. (An apocalyptic plague of platypuses and platters.) I love it so much.

Day 31: We had Sunday school this morning and then tea and cookies outside on the patio. It’s becoming a bit of a routine to have tea every week (at least with the 2Ts - the little ones have been joining us during lockdown). We practice asking each other questions and making conversation. Everyone who is old enough to vaguely understand what’s going on gets a chance to ask everyone else a question. Everyone gets a chance to answer even if they just repeat what the big kids said. If any of you have good suggestions for questions to ask a 3 and 4 year old, hit me up with them in the comments! Some of the ones we have asked so far:

What made you happy (or sad) this week?
What super power would you like to have?
What is your favorite food?
Where would you like to go?
What is your favorite movie?

The kids are working on “what is a question?” Little T “asks” things like “When I grow up, I want to take the apples out of the tree.” Big T does a bit better...”What do you like?”

After we put the kids down for a nap, we all were able to watch the sermon (hooray for WiFi!) and we had this super yummy mint chocolate cream cheese cake (made by our house dad). I’ve picked my lockdown buddies well!

In the evening, Morongwa and I made beef stew and she showed me how to make steamed dumplings. We enjoyed them while we watched the new(ish) animated Pilgrim’s Progress movie. I’ve seen it before but it was definitely worth a second watch. It’s free to watch online right now (or at least it was when I posted this – you can check: www.watchpilgrims.com/FB

The animation quality may not be Disney/Pixar, but the story is classic and I think they interpreted it well. I would highly recommend it!

Day 32: I’m reading this book, and it’s a good one. It’s painful in all the right ways, especially on the days when it’s so hard to trust God.

There are certain words and phrases that are used a lot right now, that I hate. One of those is “new normal.” I don’t want a new normal. I would like my old normal back, thank you very much.

I was chatting with a friend today and she mentioned this phrase. After I realized I couldn’t throw my pencil through the computer screen at her (like I would have if she was sitting next to me), I thought about it a little bit more.

Last year, I studied Theology of Biblical Counseling for one of my school modules. One part of the book I read talked about how Jesus was the only normal human being who ever lived. This sounds a bit strange, but the author went on to explain that “normal” doesn’t mean “universal.” “Normal” means “conforming to the prescribed standard”, not “the same as everyone else.” It doesn’t mean that because everyone sins, that that is how things are supposed to be and how God designed human beings to live and function best. He does sovereignly control everything and even uses evil for good (like in the story of Joseph). But that doesn’t mean sin is “normal.” Of course it leads to chaos, pain, and entropy, because that’s just not how humans are supposed to work. Jesus was the only normal person, because He was the only One who fully and completely obeyed God.

So what if our time here on Earth is not “normal” either? Heaven (and, not at all to be forgotten, the new Earth and our glorified bodies) may be the REAL normal. I mean, think about it in two ways. One, only in eternity will everything be made right and will everyone follow God’s commands; only there will we experience His presence; only there will we be free from the effects of the curse of sin. And two, this will be “normal” in the more commonly understood sense of the word. Most people do understand “normal” to mean “what happens the majority of the time or with the majority of people.” Think in terms of time. How long has this earth been around? I know different people have different opinions on that - but that’s not my point. Even if you believe in millions of years (I don’t), even that is not even a drop in the bucket compared to the length of eternity. How long is eternity? 50 billion years? But then, it just keeps on going. There isn’t any end. So how can we possibly say our brief existence on this earth - and our hurt - are normal? Because the way things are here on earth, is NOT the way things are going to be for the majority of our existence.

Pain is real. Sadness hurts. Grief cuts us deep. But it’s not normal and I refuse to call it so. A better day is coming. THAT is the “new normal” and it’s the only one I’m going to accept as such.

Day 33: I discovered that if I play our church worship recordings on my speaker, they’re loud enough for me to practice along with them. This was a fun rainy-day activity, except for the part where the toddlers hit my knees with Lincoln Logs while I played. I will admit I have been playing on rainy days just to drown out their noise.

Yes, that is a music stand holder that I made out of what I think was my grandma’s jeans...many years ago.

Kid lingo quiz: What does “saymazz” mean? Bonus points for using it in context.

Day 34: Shopping for supplies for MBH to reopen on Friday. This isn’t even half of the stuff but I was close to cleaning off a few shelves...I felt like apologizing to everyone that I’m not a stockpiler or paranoid, I’m just shopping for work. At least the newly-mandated masks, although restricting my ability to breathe comfortably, do keep me from being able to tell if strangers are giving me dirty looks, so there’s that. I still can’t find a thermometer (for ear or forehead) anywhere, so if anyone knows of a place that’s still selling them, please let me know.

Day 35 (Thursday): Today was the last day before MBH opens again as an essential service provider, the ladies come back to work, and the kids go back to baby home instead of being in our care 24/7. It’s a bit of an adjustment and we’ve been sad to give them up, even though we are tired.

This was also the last day before we move from stage 5 lockdown to stage 4. What does this mean? Not a lot in terms of personal freedom, but there are a few perks. Some more stores will be allowed to open, including hardware stores - I can finally buy that weird lightbulb for my pantry and don’t have to use the rechargeable lantern anymore, so that’s nice. We are allowed to go on walks as long as it is in between 6-9 am, it’s close to home, and we don’t go with anyone we don’t live with. Also, fast food restaurants will open for delivery. There are some more industrial/economic things that are happening, I think, but nothing else that really affects us visibly.

This was a crazy stressful day as we were trying to get a bunch of things ready for baby home to open. We had to take the two smallest for immunizations and pick up a prescription. I left them in the car with my housemate while I ran into Checkers for “just a minute” to grab my groceries that I forgot there the day before...and grabbed a couple more things....and picked up the prescription we had been waiting for...anyway it ended up taking way too long and the babies were fussy and then I had to go pick up masks and a thermometer - which we found, thankfully, a friend is loaning it to us.

We decided to have one last fire with B and K before they went back to MBH and Morongwa before she went home on Friday, so that was nice, once I finally got home and got everything sorted.

Big T: There are so many stars you can’t count them.